Scottish Catholic Observer

In myriad ways we remember our loved ones. Keeping to tradition with age-old customs or in less conventional ways that express the individuality of the dead we keep them close to us as we begin to carry our loss. Solemn or humorous, reverent or frivolous, the memories are there to cherish and they represent bonds which death cannot break.

Before we can start to learn to live with our grief we must lay our loved ones to rest. Against a secular culture that sees death as the end of existence and the celebration of the deceased’s life as the only purpose of a funeral the Church’s position is entirely different as Fr Joe Mills, parish priest of St Mary’s in Duntocher, explained.

“What we are celebrating is the eternal life of the person, which begins here but goes on into eternity and the climax to that life in the risen Christ is the eternal happiness of Heaven,” he said. “But that life has already begun and side by side with celebrating their life is the importance of asking for their sins to be forgiven. We celebrate the life of the person in relation to their eternal life and their eternal relationship with God.

“We have to guard against phrases like celebration as a priority because we are celebrating their life only in view of the forgiveness of their sins, there is nothing to celebrate if we have so separated ourselves from the Lord that we had prevented His goodness and forgiveness.”

In the most painful of farewells friends, colleagues and acquaintances gather with the family to take their final leave. But for Catholics the funeral is much more than a chance to say goodbye.

“It is our belief that they will be forgiven their sins and commended to the mercy of God and this is done with great confidence by the Christian faithful because it is linked with the Resurrection of Our Lord Christ,” Fr Mills said. “Our belief is that as we died for Christ so we will rise with Him. So even if people have committed sins our firm belief is that through the mercy of God that those sins are forgiven and we are beseeching the Lord that He will forgive our brothers and sisters their sins. Our prayers are bolstered and encouraged by our communal faith in the Resurrection of Jesus.”

For practising Catholics, sporadic attenders or the completely lapsed organising the funeral is a daunting task but the priest is there to guide us in the preparations for the Requiem Mass.

“Often there is a lot going on with bereaved people and sometimes they are not acting normally in reference to their normal behaviour and cross boundaries which they would not normally cross.” Fr Mills said. “An example would be the choice of an inappropriate secular song.

“Archbishop Mario Conti is in favour of coming and going wherever possible in order to accommodate people in deep grief and their simple human need to recognise the person. So as priests we would try to deflect their choice to somewhere outside the Liturgy. Sometimes if it is not too secular it can be sung at the end of Mass or more acceptable for us clergy taken to the cemetery or the crematorium.”

Among the many choices to be taken are the readings. According to Fr Mills the family often has a preference in the choice of readings while others have no thoughts on the matter. Some readings have a particular appeal.

“The souls of the virtuous are in the hands of God which is from the Wisdom Literature connected with our belief in life after death; it is found in the Catholic Canon of the Bible but not necessarily recognised by the Presbyterian tradition. The normal presumption is that this is a good person and we are good people who can fall into sin and we are good people because we are baptised in to the Resurrection of Jesus.”

In the homily the priest can strengthen the Faith of the mourners, remind them of the promises of God. Fr Mills always begins with reference to God’s love and mercy.

“No matter who the person is—regular attender or a relative stranger to the practice of the Faith—my emphasis is on the love and mercy of God,” Fr Mills said. “Of course it is natural to experience grief and to shed tears but at the same time as we feel the pain of human separation we dig down deep into our Faith to the power of the Lord and His risen Son to take the person into eternity.”

“Finding the right thing to say can be a worry but I feel that the Holy Spirit gives you something to say. Sometimes I find myself saying something which I hadn’t prepared but has been put into my mouth—after all, through our ordination we priests are in persona Christi. The utter dependence of the people on us is a great honour and because we are so connected to the needs of our people we are open to receive the grace to say the right words.”

Like many priests Fr Mills has had to celebrate the Requiem Mass of both his parents. At his father’s funeral Cardinal Thomas Winning gave the homily.

“When I asked the cardinal he was delighted to do it for me and he told me he couldn’t have spoken at his own parents’ Requiems,” he said. “With my mother who had Alzheimers’ and was in Nazareth House it was different as there was a sort of preparation as anyone with a loved one with dementia will understand. As I had so many priest friends I could have asked but I chose not to ask one over another so on that occasion I did speak.”

In a final consolation to us when we have taken our loved ones to their final resting place the priest prays that they may be forgiven their sins for in their hearts they always desired to do God’s will.