Scottish Catholic Observer

At just three years old, Declan Cox suffered horrendous abuse at the hands of those who should have cared for him the most. Thrown through a pane of glass by his stepfather while his mother did not protect him, he was taken into care. His mother went on to marry the man who was sentenced to prison time for physically assaulting the tot.

Now 20 years old, following a spiral of events that left him homeless as a teenager, the young man has turned his life around with the help of his parish priest and local church, and is calling for reform in the Scottish care system.

Mr Cox recently organised his own public event, Surviving, Coping and Thriving, to raise awareness of these issues.

He spoke about his ‘horrific experiences’ within Scotland’s care system, and explored the changes needed in order to safeguard vulnerable children and young people.

He is speaking out as he wants to normalise talking about families in conversation—a subject he feels many do not know how to discuss.

“It seems to be a subject that people don’t now how to approach, and I decided that I wasn’t really too happy about that,” he said. “I wanted it to be something that people felt confident to talk about if they want to.”

He also spoke about the impressions many have of the care homes, citing television programmes such as Tracy Beaker on CBBC, revealing that the reality is ‘so much different than that.’

“I’ve been involved with foster care, then was adopted and then that didn’t work out due to the trauma that I was suffering when I was 15 or 16,” Mr Cox said. “So I then went back into the system as such. I’ve been through the entire thing and people either go to foster-adoption, or foster then homeless hostels when they leave.

“I’ve done both sides of it with about a 10-year period in the middle, so I’ve got experience of it all.”

After being taken into care, Mr Cox was neglected by a carer who was later de-registered, before being adopted at six years old.

Yet in spite of the more secure environment of life with his new adoptive family, he suffered from mental health problems as a result of abuse, making numerous attempts to take his own life before his adoptive parents asked him to leave at the age of 16. Mr Cox moved from one homeless hostel to another, witnessing distressing incidents and suffering abuse at the hands of those in charge, before changing his life for good.

He described the experience he had within the Scottish care system as both ‘horrific’ and ‘diabolical,’ citing a catalogue of issues. “I think the biggest one for me is when I was 16, I was living in homeless units surrounded by drink, drugs and everything else,” Mr Cox said. “The reason that it broke down in my biological family was because of alcohol, and I’d always said I was never going to go down that route.

“On my 16th birthday, I found myself in a field drinking alcohol. That wasn’t me—but it was me, because you don’t get a choice in these units.

“You either go with the crowd, or you’re going to get physically hurt, frankly. You either follow what they do or you’re not there.”

He also described how he witnessed a stabbing while staying in a homeless unit.

“No one wants to be in a supported accommodation unit,” he added, saying how many of those living there have problems with drink, drugs and homelessness. “You put them all together—that’s like putting petrol and matches together. It’s just going to explode, and it does.”

Mr Cox eventually got out of the system by taking out a private lease on a flat, and he now goes to college and has a long-term girlfriend.

With the help of Fr John Carroll, the parish priest of St Mary Immaculate in Pollokshaws, Glasgow, Mr Cox was able to find support and a route out of the desperate situation in which he found himself.

He credits Fr Carroll, the parish and Faith as being a major factor in helping him to get to where he is now.

“My biological grandmother was very big on the Church, and she always asked that we were involved in the Church in some way,” said Declan, who took part in the life of the Church while at school.

He spoke fondly of Fr Carroll’s unwavering support of him.

“With Fr John I can either send him a quick message or whatever, and he’s suddenly there as if we’ve just picked up from talking about yesterday, as if we’ve only been talking a couple of days before,” he said.

“I think, although I’ve not been to the church a lot recently, it’s knowing that the community is still there, so I’m able to either send Fr John a message or pop along to Mass every now and again. It’s just having that community base there, which is really important.”

“I’m speaking out in the hope that people will begin to see people talk about it openly, people that have been in there, people that can speak about it if they want to,” he added. “It’s people having the confidence to not feel that they’re in a box frankly, they can speak about it openly and they aren’t going to get judged for it.”

He noted that while there are success stories, he has personally yet to hear one.

“I’ve still to hear a true success story, where [someone] has been put in the system, they’ve been supported the full way to live a happy time after. I’ve not yet heard one,” he said.

Following the Surviving, Coping and Thriving event, Mr Cox hopes to continue speaking about these issues in the future, aiming to inspire change and raise awareness.